Here

I wrote this yesterday afternoon. I hope you enjoy! I have loved living in Denton and laboring here in partnership with The Village Church. God has taught me so much and will continue to do so.

I am sitting curled up in my bed. It is raining, and it is that kind of rain that makes you happy to sit inside and listen.  You can hear the splatter and trickle and wind, almost to the point of feeling it. I have no urgent or pressing commitments, students are headed home, and life is still for a moment.

I returned a couple of hours ago from a retreat with the staff of The Village Church Denton. We spent 2 days in an amazingly beautiful cabin in the middle of nowhere. For a country girl like me, it was just far enough away from the city to make me feel at ease. No traffic, no merging lanes, no praying for patience in line at the store. Complete with a fireplace and giant leather couches, four-wheeler riding and great conversation. It was the kind of getaway people talk about, but never actually take.

My first semester on staff is finished, my first few months living in Texas have passed, my first interactions with new co-workers are complete, my first taste of life sans parents, assigned peer groups, and knowing exactly what comes next, has been given.

I live here. This isn’t a joke. This wasn’t a pseudo-vacation designed to make me appreciate more deeply the place I will return to. This is where the Lord has called me. And that fact has some heavy and wonderful implications.

If the Lord has called me here, that means I must immerse myself fully. I cannot hold back from people, hoping that one day they will initiate. There is not a group of friends I am going to return to later, making it optional if I really open up to those around me. I cannot ignore the health of my brothers and sisters here because I am not really the one who will be walking with them for the long-haul. I cannot disregard the things I don’t like about this place, because I won’t have to put up with them for more than some short season of time.  (The traffic sucks. So, maybe I should learn some back roads! )

I am here, and here has some amazing things to offer. The rub is that in order to get them, I have to actually be here. I have to open up, and make friends, even when it is easier to talk to the ones I already had. I have to care, which is dangerous because I don’t know everyone well enough yet to know that it won’t end badly. I have to allow the Lord to dig around in my heart, and show me all of the things I am attached to, still holding on to. I hate the traffic. So, I have to learn the roads, because otherwise I will spend a life backed up on the interstate.

To do that, I will have to get lost, take wrong turns, and be really confused. I have to put myself out there, knowing others may not reciprocate. I have to attach to things that haven’t proven themselves reliable or trustworthy. I have to love sinners, whose sin I don’t know yet. I have to let them know mine, without being sure if they will love me when it is over. Ultimately, I have to actually be here.

I head back to Kentucky on Monday, back to the familiar for just a bit. But, I will return. I will trust that the Lord is exactly who He says He is. That He loves me, and came to give me life abundant. That His plan and calling on my life, as it is right now, is for my good. That of all the goodness He has shown me here in Denton, there is more. There is more of Him to be found in being here. There is a sweetness that will come from being willing to attach, even when I am unsure how it will turn out. There are backroads to be learned, and friendships to be gained, and glory to be given. He has brought me here, and of this I am certain. It is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be. 

23?!?!

Not much profound to say today. Just a simple update...I live in Denton, TX now. I turned 23 on Tuesday, and my life looks nothing like I dreamed of as a little girl.
I remember when I hit 20....it was ROUGH. I somehow realized that when I was about 7 or 8, I truly believed that by 25 I would have a husband, 2 kids, a nice car, and a big ole house. At 20, I knew there was a great possibility that I would not yet have graduated from the Master's program I was planning on enrolling in by 25, none the less being married with all the American dream had to offer. I realized that the woman that little girl dreamed of would just have to wait. Maybe I could just save those dreams for when I'd be 30??
Thus, 23 comes with some realizations of its own. Not only will I not be graduated with my masters at 25....I'm not even getting a masters! I live in TEXAS, with my boss, his wife, and their four AMAZING children. (This sure puts a kink in that little girl's plan to raise her children in the same hometown she grew up in.) I have no plans of marriage anytime in the near future, none the less kids! My car is nice, but it was a great gift from my parents and the letters BMW are NOWHERE to be found on it.
You know what else comes with being 23? Realizing maybe I sold myself short at 7 or 8. Realizing that there are lots of 25-30 year olds who are busy building the life I dreamed of, and being let down when they realize it doesn't provide any of the satisfaction and fulfillment they were hoping for. Being 23 showed me that I wont have those things by 25, or 30....in fact, I may never have them. And, that maybe I don't want them so bad after all.
At 7 or 8, I didn't know to dream of living in someone else's home, watching them raise THEIR children. I didn't know I should want to live in a random city in a far away state, or that living on a tight budget so that I could serve the Lord with my life as He has called me to would be plenty. Disney movies didn't tell me that MY Prince Charming died on a cross about 2000 years ago, and that He wouldn't come sweeping me off my feet every night, because He was busy saving my soul every day.
At 7 or 8 I dreamed......but now that I think of it, it seems that God has just the right timeline, and just the right story to tell with my life. I'm not who I thought I would be at 23, and Praise Him for that!

a God of patience

Today I had very little to do. It is the last week of classes here at MSU and, as a last semester senior with only 5 class sessions to attend this entire week, I was set to retire to my dorm room. It is still raining here and has shown no signs of stopping any time soon, and my little sanctuary sounded like the perfect remedy from the rainy day blues.
I worked the better portion of the day on letters, planning, and phone calls. I then decided to sit down to a solid hour ad a half in the Word.

Let me clarify that I have been very distant in my time alone with God lately. It has seemed that going through the motions was the best description. It is an interesting issue when you can see that something is wrong,and diagnose the problem, but, in the end, can truly see no change in the problem itself. I have spent the better part of the last week and half waiting.....waiting for something to change, and doing all I know to. Asking the Father himself to accept the atoning payment of Christ for my sin, and being thankful that, despite my shortcomings and inability to draw myself back up, my salvation is sealed.

That brings me back to today....Today was the day, I was going to sit with my Lord and not get up until I had heard intimately from Him. I was about 3 minutes into a Bible study I am doing when my phone vibrated. (Let me add that I usually do not check my phone during this time, but today, I did.)
It was my discipleship group leader. The text read, "Do you all (my best friend/ roommate Kirby, and I) remember that you are supposed to be teaching on an attribute of God tonight when we meet?" I immediately hollered at Kirby through the wall that divides our rooms. She scurried in and we both set to work. I was totally frustrated. I guess my intimacy issue was going to have to wait another day, because today, I had to teach.

After about 2 minutes of brainstorming, I pulled out the book The God You Can Know...... How ironic! If He is so easy to know, why would I be feeling the way I am? We stumbled onto a page that brought up God's patience, and were both intrigued.

I am sure you can see where this is going. As I pulled out my concordance and we began to explore this attribute I was reminded of Noah.....God flooded his town too, along with the whole world. But, God waited a LONG time before doing it. And, He sent Noah to warn the people. He even had Noah build a boat so big that it would have been his life's work. God was patient with the people who lived during Noah's day.

I was then reminded of the way the Israelites turned from God again and again when they were in the wilderness. Those same Israelites had once been so close to Him. They had even seen Him part the sea...and they still turned away. Yet, again and again God would patiently remind them, "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt..."

Psalm 145 tells us he is patient, as well as Nahum 1:3....We know that in the old testament, God ALWAYS sent a prophet to warn the people, and to explain to them the reasoning why BEFORE he punished or judged them. He always gave them ample time to repent.

We then turn to the New Testament where 1 Peter 3:20 and 1 Tim. 1:16 tells us of the patience of the Son of God.....His patience to remain on the cross, His patience to continue to call us to follow Him during His time on Earth, even His patience as He cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

My concordance then called me to James 5:7-10.....reminding me that life is not about those seasons when I feel most deeply the presence of God or see most clearly the messages He is sending me. No, life takes patience, patience that mirrors His. Patience that will suffer any let down, patience that will not consider self, patience that will wait. Patience that will wait as He did for me to turn from living for my self, and follow Him. Patience that warned me time and time again that I was facing a judgement unless I repented. Patience that remained on a cross to pay the price for me.

Thank goodness He is a God of patience...and thank goodness that, as James tells us, our life should be lived patiently waiting a GREATER prize than anything we can gain here on Earth.

They are to teach....

Last night was the last meeting of the women's Bible study I have been doing with my church, Hardin Baptist. I started this Bible study in the fall, hoping to dig into the Old Testament for the first time. I had heard wonderful thing about the Kay Arthur Precept studies, and 6:30-8 on Tuesday nights was reasonably do-able for me. I remember walking into that house for the first time, being very nervous because I knew NONE of these women, and was not sure I would have all that much to connect with them about aside from Jesus. 


Well, I did dig in to the OT. In fact, I fell in love! Hearing the vivid language used to describe Israel's constant and consistently subtle rebellion of the God who led them out of Egypt entrapped me. I have such admiration for the leader Joshua, and am far more deeply and intimately connected to His God. I understand that ours is a generation in which, "everyone does what was right in his own eyes." and Judges clearly described to me the outcomes of this circumstance. I will continue to dig more deeply into these first books of the Bible, and to find Christ as Savior all the more necessary because of them. 


That being said, I want to explain that this is not the majority of what I learned from these studies. Sitting under the example and wisdom of these women has been truly life altering. Hearing stories of how to discipline, explain the gospel to, and live faith out in front of children has been truly eye-opening. What is more, these women got REAL. They didn't sugar coat for me their perfect little lives with their families. They simply discussed their God, and how He is the central issue in all of these things. Their perspective on everything from drinking alcohol, to the upcoming political election has presented to me thoughts that my 20-something peers often do not have the life experience to come up with. 


Last night we were working on a project for the upcoming women's conference at the church. As we were gluing, taping, and cutting, we were also talking. And here is what I learned:


Sewing is not a lost art. In fact, it may just be something that I should take personal responsibility to develop in. It seemed to me that all of these women were at least somewhat fluent in a language I have never heard. And what a useful one at that! 


It truly does take a village. I told one of the ladies that I had heard her daughter share her testimony that week at a youth meeting, saying how neat it was to hear her story and what an impact she had had. She humbly responded that she had, "lots of help" and listed off names, a few of which were a part of this Bible study as well. Her daughter (who, I believe, also sews) is now married, and is pregnant with twins.


Men ARE different from women, and as wives....there are a lot of creative ways you can embrace this. 


Most of all, I learned that you should have people whose lives intertwine with yours in a big way. NOT just spiritually. These women are friends, prayer warriors, mothers, wives, and daughters of the King of Kings......and they are all of these things TOGETHER! They can remember when the other women's children were born, and tell stories of their lives together. 


Titus 2 tells us that, "Older women likewise are to be reverent  in behavior , not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." More simply.....they are to teach.


Lord, 
Thank you for these women. Thank you that they do as you tell them to do. May I fight to always have others like them in my life. And thank you that you have brought them to a point where they are willing and able to TEACH. 
Amen

Waiting...

I am caught- between where I am going, and where I presently am. I desire to be a woman who lives "to the hilt" every moment, who does not wish away present circumstances out of ignorance believing the future is preferable, who embraces time- RIGHT NOW- and all is has to offer, all it has to soak up, all it has to overcome, and all is has to give herself to.
Biblically, we know that as Christians we are sojourners in a foreign land. That we were made for a home with our heavenly Father, and that this present time is "but a breath" in comparison to eternity. In fact, there can be no comparison to eternity at all, because it has no defined length.
I give a presentation at 3:00 today that will determine if I graduate. How amazing that I have worked for four years to get to 3:00 on March 30th? Seems a bit ironic, even a bit stupid! Why would I give four years to reach 10 minutes one day. This must be the vanity of toil!
But, I am reminded by the Lord that 3:00 on March 11th, 2011 will only come around once. That He has directed my path here, and desires me to embrace every 3:00 as I should, as the only one I will ever get.
He so desires us to trust where He has brought us. To live for HIM, as He designed, and to live for HIS glory in every one of those moments we will never get back.
I pray we give our lives, our moments, and all of ourselves to Him- the the place He has us RIGHT NOW- and that in our desiring for the future, we are not hindered from living the present.

The green chair....

1001 Home Place Lane...the destination of my choice for the last spring break of my life. While others may choose Panama City, the Bahamas, a cruise, a beach, or even a trip to see friends, I am drawn to the big green chair sitting in the living room that I have spent most of the nights of my life in since the day I was born. This chair, cozily tucked in next to the fireplace (my favorite thing about my home), is where I curl up to watch an episode of NCIS, drink a cup of coffee, remember where I have been, and think about where I am going. 
Isn't it funny how a chair can turn into a world of its own? Since my Mom purchased it my senior year of high school I can not count the hours I have spent sitting here. There are many weekends I return from MSU with the big green chair being a main motivation for the 3 hour journey.


 For a realist like me, this all feels a bit sentimental. But, as I face the next phase of like in a new place, "green chair-less" (if you will), I am drawn to remember:


"God is God. Because he is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what he is up to." 
— Elisabeth Elliot

A trip to the capital...

I returned yesterday from a trip to the state capital, Frankfort. I was nominated by a dear friend to go as a student representative from MSU to the Governor's Prayer Breakfast & KY Student Leadership Forum. I entered the day not knowing what to expect. 
Here is what I knew: it was "spiritual". As I am sure many of my brothers and sisters will agree, often in our culture anything labeled as a faith-based or spiritual event, even including the word "prayer", can end up being nothing more than diluted morality at best. Most usually, the words "Jesus Christ" are omitted and replaced with talk of "individual spiritual journey" or "trust in "god"". My mind automatically cues itself to John 14:6- no one comes to the Father, EXCEPT THROUGH ME. Reminding me that this type of "faith" is nothing more than the strivings of an imperfect human to fit the Creator of the universe into a mold they and those around them are comfortable with, and therefore calling out to a "god" that isn't true. 


I did agree to attend, however, with hopes to enjoy some insight to leadership and to get a glimpse into the inner workings of our Commonwealth's political leadership. 


I came home last night blown away, encouraged in the Lord, and truly believing that there is no reason for me to believe hope for America and specifically Kentucky is anywhere NEAR lost. 


At the Prayer Breakfast I met a girl named Sarah, she too was anxious to hear what we would learn. In a short time I would see that her faith in the God of the Universe was strong and real....she knew Jesus personally, and it showed. 


After that I shuffled into a room of about 45 students. A man named Dan Lewis facilitated, praying over each speaker personally and speaking proudly and loudly the name of the Lord and Savior. Dr. Lewis continued to bring our minds back to the fact that, as the next generation of leaders, we a are involved not just in state, or nation, but Kingdom work. 


Harvey Thomas, former press secretary to Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, spoke on the need of our generation to know what is going on in the world. His encouragement to trust God in His guidance of where we should be was insightful. He has been all over the world because he opened his palms to the Lord in leaving full time ministry after many years to work elsewhere. 


Also, Dr. Jeremy Corbett spoke on our great need to:
1. Be available to God's plan- specifically to find CHRIST-FOLLOWING mentors 
2. Stand out- you are called to be different than the world around you
3. Be a true problem-solver- don't just see the problem....solve it 


Another highlight was Dr. Lincoln Bringham. He is a pastor whose grandparents were slaves in KY. His grandfather lived until he was 15, so he personally heard accounts of his grandfather's days as a slave. 
He spoke to our faith in God, and His power. My major take away was the question "Where are you going unswervingly and unashamed of a God who will supply all of your needs?"


Other Highlights included:
Leadership= Followship
Priorities and Non-negotiables


In short, I was consistently encouraged throughout the day by these wise men. Also, by my fellow students in sharing their experiences. 


Through them I trust that the lyrics of the old hymn Come, Thou Long Expected Jesus will be cried out in lives throughout our state.


Come, thou long-expected Jesus,
born to set thy people free;
from our fears and sins release us,
let us find our rest in thee.

Israel's strength and consolation,
hope of all the earth thou art:
dear desire of every nation,
joy of every longing heart.

Born thy people to deliver,
born a child, and yet a king,
born to reign in us for ever,
now thy gracious kingdom bring.

By thine own eternal Spirit
rule in all our hearts alone;
by thine all-sufficient merit
raise us to thy glorious throne.

The newest tourist attraction...child sex tourism.

Many of you may never have known I had a blog, but I think there is not a more worthy reason to make my thoughts public. 


Today I had to give a speech in my Persuasive Communication class. After much deliberation, I decided to talk on a controversial and unknown topic: Child Sex Tourism.
After talking with a few friends today, I thought it may benefit a few for me to put what I learned on the table.

A lot of people in our country have never even heard of this. Human trafficking? definitely! That concept is as old as our country to us. We study the slave trade and Civil War beginning in elementary school.  Child trafficking, sure......anyone who is keeping up with news has heard of the issues in Uganda. Child sex trafficking, even THIS is something we are familiar with. We know that all over the world people, even children, are being forced to participate in sex acts and labor without their consent. 
 What we often don't know is the role our country plays in this. 
Child sex tourism is a part of the $32 billion dollar global human trafficking industry that victimizes 12 million people. It differentiates itself a bit from child sex trafficking in the intentionality and profile of the consumer. 
According to Geoffrey Keele, a child protection spokesperson at UNICEF, “The multimillion dollar child sex tourism industry is supported by foreigners who travel to developing countries where widespread poverty and corrupt law enforcement foster an illicit environment in which they can have sex with children as young as 5 for as little as $5, often with little recourse”
Also, according to World Vision, the US is among several other wealthy countries who exploit children in the commercial sex trade. This is true because 25 %!!! of all child sex tourists are US citizens!!!
I want to put this in perspective a bit for my peers. Not just any average American has the money flow to fly to Cambodia, Thailand, India, Brazil, and Mexico (as well as many other countries) and become a consumer. We are left with one conclusion: the consumer of this service is affluent and very often AMERICAN! 


My generation of Americans will face a new dilemma.....I was told today by a friend that of the worlds 40 top leaders, 38 spent time at an American university. WE are the future leaders of affluent America. Let's not be naive; as students in a US university our chances of  having wealth and power, and having friends with the same are VAST. We must face the reality that the next generation of sex tourists will come from our generational peers. This will most certainly be true if our generation does nothing to stop and reverse this exploitation. 


For more information:

• http://www.state.gov/g/tip/rls/tiprpt/2010/index.htm- US Dept of State Trafficking in Persons Report
• http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/international/diary-escaped-sex-slave- Diary of an Escaped Sex Slave
• www.unicef.org
• The Child Sex Tourism Prevention Project. http://www.worldvision.org/ content.nsf/learn/globalissues-stp?Open&lpos=lft_txt_Child-Sex-Tourism
• Stolen Innocence: Inside the Shady World of Child Sex Tourism. (2007)
• http://www.govtrack.us/congress/bill.xpd?bill=s111-3184- A Civic Project to track congress
• http://www.examiner.com/human-rights-in-national/world-vision-child-protection-compact-act-taken-off-of-the-upcoming-senate-meeting-with-no-reason- Child Protection Compact Act
• www.worldvision.org

I feel inclined to also add that, often, I find myself feeling that I can not make a difference in an issue as large as this one. That ultimately, the need of the world is Christ. To know Him, be made like Him by a relationship with Him, and to help others know Him. And, after all this. I see that I am right. 

But, I may remind my brothers and sisters, that every time I share Christ with someone, I am increasing the likelihood that an army of us will be able to rise up against these injustices that Christ came to die to cleanse us of and give us a hope for. The Great Commission (Matt 28:18-20) is ultimately the way this will occur. If I am NOT obedient to GO and MAKE DISCIPLES, there will be no one to fight, and no one to share a Love that redeems individuals, nations, and the world from the very nature of our sinful selves. 

Love you all!

Annie

Riding in the car....

Exodus 14:14- "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent." (ESV)
I have always been a talker. There are few things, if not nothing, in life I find more enjoyable than conversation. This has been true of me since childhood.
As a child my Mom would often "silence" me periodically. This usually came at times when she could not escape my constant chatter by leaving the room. I remember riding in the car once and her saying, "Annie, you are not allowed to speak for the next 5 minutes." I was astonished, hurt, and obviously still bear the scars. I just couldn't understand why I needed to be quiet; I had IMPORTANT things to say. I remember holding back a tantrum in the passenger seat wondering why it is that my Mom had said such a thing.
With not much age, and even less wisdom, I now see that my mothers ONLY hope to get me to stop speaking, was for her to force me. She had a job to do: driving me to my destination....and if I didn't SHUT UP, she would go crazy instead of accomplishing her task.
Coming out of the past 6 months of life, I am beginning to realize that God has been forced to shut me up! I have not stopped moving, thinking, and talking to myself, Him, and everyone around me. I have planned, organized, calculated, strategized, broken down, cried, and started again. At the end of it all, what choice did He have but to say, "Annie, you are not allowed to speak. No matter how important you believe what you are saying is."
He has somewhere He is taking me, and while He may not go crazy if I keep talking, I am sure the ride would be more enjoyable for me if I would just believe His promise: "you have only to be silent."
May we believe He is who He says He is.