Not much profound to say today. Just a simple update...I live in Denton, TX now. I turned 23 on Tuesday, and my life looks nothing like I dreamed of as a little girl.
I remember when I hit 20....it was ROUGH. I somehow realized that when I was about 7 or 8, I truly believed that by 25 I would have a husband, 2 kids, a nice car, and a big ole house. At 20, I knew there was a great possibility that I would not yet have graduated from the Master's program I was planning on enrolling in by 25, none the less being married with all the American dream had to offer. I realized that the woman that little girl dreamed of would just have to wait. Maybe I could just save those dreams for when I'd be 30??
Thus, 23 comes with some realizations of its own. Not only will I not be graduated with my masters at 25....I'm not even getting a masters! I live in TEXAS, with my boss, his wife, and their four AMAZING children. (This sure puts a kink in that little girl's plan to raise her children in the same hometown she grew up in.) I have no plans of marriage anytime in the near future, none the less kids! My car is nice, but it was a great gift from my parents and the letters BMW are NOWHERE to be found on it.
You know what else comes with being 23? Realizing maybe I sold myself short at 7 or 8. Realizing that there are lots of 25-30 year olds who are busy building the life I dreamed of, and being let down when they realize it doesn't provide any of the satisfaction and fulfillment they were hoping for. Being 23 showed me that I wont have those things by 25, or 30....in fact, I may never have them. And, that maybe I don't want them so bad after all.
At 7 or 8, I didn't know to dream of living in someone else's home, watching them raise THEIR children. I didn't know I should want to live in a random city in a far away state, or that living on a tight budget so that I could serve the Lord with my life as He has called me to would be plenty. Disney movies didn't tell me that MY Prince Charming died on a cross about 2000 years ago, and that He wouldn't come sweeping me off my feet every night, because He was busy saving my soul every day.
At 7 or 8 I dreamed......but now that I think of it, it seems that God has just the right timeline, and just the right story to tell with my life. I'm not who I thought I would be at 23, and Praise Him for that!
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
a God of patience
Today I had very little to do. It is the last week of classes here at MSU and, as a last semester senior with only 5 class sessions to attend this entire week, I was set to retire to my dorm room. It is still raining here and has shown no signs of stopping any time soon, and my little sanctuary sounded like the perfect remedy from the rainy day blues.
I worked the better portion of the day on letters, planning, and phone calls. I then decided to sit down to a solid hour ad a half in the Word.
Let me clarify that I have been very distant in my time alone with God lately. It has seemed that going through the motions was the best description. It is an interesting issue when you can see that something is wrong,and diagnose the problem, but, in the end, can truly see no change in the problem itself. I have spent the better part of the last week and half waiting.....waiting for something to change, and doing all I know to. Asking the Father himself to accept the atoning payment of Christ for my sin, and being thankful that, despite my shortcomings and inability to draw myself back up, my salvation is sealed.
That brings me back to today....Today was the day, I was going to sit with my Lord and not get up until I had heard intimately from Him. I was about 3 minutes into a Bible study I am doing when my phone vibrated. (Let me add that I usually do not check my phone during this time, but today, I did.)
It was my discipleship group leader. The text read, "Do you all (my best friend/ roommate Kirby, and I) remember that you are supposed to be teaching on an attribute of God tonight when we meet?" I immediately hollered at Kirby through the wall that divides our rooms. She scurried in and we both set to work. I was totally frustrated. I guess my intimacy issue was going to have to wait another day, because today, I had to teach.
After about 2 minutes of brainstorming, I pulled out the book The God You Can Know...... How ironic! If He is so easy to know, why would I be feeling the way I am? We stumbled onto a page that brought up God's patience, and were both intrigued.
I am sure you can see where this is going. As I pulled out my concordance and we began to explore this attribute I was reminded of Noah.....God flooded his town too, along with the whole world. But, God waited a LONG time before doing it. And, He sent Noah to warn the people. He even had Noah build a boat so big that it would have been his life's work. God was patient with the people who lived during Noah's day.
I was then reminded of the way the Israelites turned from God again and again when they were in the wilderness. Those same Israelites had once been so close to Him. They had even seen Him part the sea...and they still turned away. Yet, again and again God would patiently remind them, "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt..."
Psalm 145 tells us he is patient, as well as Nahum 1:3....We know that in the old testament, God ALWAYS sent a prophet to warn the people, and to explain to them the reasoning why BEFORE he punished or judged them. He always gave them ample time to repent.
We then turn to the New Testament where 1 Peter 3:20 and 1 Tim. 1:16 tells us of the patience of the Son of God.....His patience to remain on the cross, His patience to continue to call us to follow Him during His time on Earth, even His patience as He cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
My concordance then called me to James 5:7-10.....reminding me that life is not about those seasons when I feel most deeply the presence of God or see most clearly the messages He is sending me. No, life takes patience, patience that mirrors His. Patience that will suffer any let down, patience that will not consider self, patience that will wait. Patience that will wait as He did for me to turn from living for my self, and follow Him. Patience that warned me time and time again that I was facing a judgement unless I repented. Patience that remained on a cross to pay the price for me.
Thank goodness He is a God of patience...and thank goodness that, as James tells us, our life should be lived patiently waiting a GREATER prize than anything we can gain here on Earth.
I worked the better portion of the day on letters, planning, and phone calls. I then decided to sit down to a solid hour ad a half in the Word.
Let me clarify that I have been very distant in my time alone with God lately. It has seemed that going through the motions was the best description. It is an interesting issue when you can see that something is wrong,and diagnose the problem, but, in the end, can truly see no change in the problem itself. I have spent the better part of the last week and half waiting.....waiting for something to change, and doing all I know to. Asking the Father himself to accept the atoning payment of Christ for my sin, and being thankful that, despite my shortcomings and inability to draw myself back up, my salvation is sealed.
That brings me back to today....Today was the day, I was going to sit with my Lord and not get up until I had heard intimately from Him. I was about 3 minutes into a Bible study I am doing when my phone vibrated. (Let me add that I usually do not check my phone during this time, but today, I did.)
It was my discipleship group leader. The text read, "Do you all (my best friend/ roommate Kirby, and I) remember that you are supposed to be teaching on an attribute of God tonight when we meet?" I immediately hollered at Kirby through the wall that divides our rooms. She scurried in and we both set to work. I was totally frustrated. I guess my intimacy issue was going to have to wait another day, because today, I had to teach.
After about 2 minutes of brainstorming, I pulled out the book The God You Can Know...... How ironic! If He is so easy to know, why would I be feeling the way I am? We stumbled onto a page that brought up God's patience, and were both intrigued.
I am sure you can see where this is going. As I pulled out my concordance and we began to explore this attribute I was reminded of Noah.....God flooded his town too, along with the whole world. But, God waited a LONG time before doing it. And, He sent Noah to warn the people. He even had Noah build a boat so big that it would have been his life's work. God was patient with the people who lived during Noah's day.
I was then reminded of the way the Israelites turned from God again and again when they were in the wilderness. Those same Israelites had once been so close to Him. They had even seen Him part the sea...and they still turned away. Yet, again and again God would patiently remind them, "I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt..."
Psalm 145 tells us he is patient, as well as Nahum 1:3....We know that in the old testament, God ALWAYS sent a prophet to warn the people, and to explain to them the reasoning why BEFORE he punished or judged them. He always gave them ample time to repent.
We then turn to the New Testament where 1 Peter 3:20 and 1 Tim. 1:16 tells us of the patience of the Son of God.....His patience to remain on the cross, His patience to continue to call us to follow Him during His time on Earth, even His patience as He cried out, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
My concordance then called me to James 5:7-10.....reminding me that life is not about those seasons when I feel most deeply the presence of God or see most clearly the messages He is sending me. No, life takes patience, patience that mirrors His. Patience that will suffer any let down, patience that will not consider self, patience that will wait. Patience that will wait as He did for me to turn from living for my self, and follow Him. Patience that warned me time and time again that I was facing a judgement unless I repented. Patience that remained on a cross to pay the price for me.
Thank goodness He is a God of patience...and thank goodness that, as James tells us, our life should be lived patiently waiting a GREATER prize than anything we can gain here on Earth.
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