I wrote this yesterday afternoon. I hope you enjoy! I have loved living in Denton and laboring here in partnership with The Village Church. God has taught me so much and will continue to do so.
I am sitting curled up in my bed. It is raining, and it is that kind of rain that makes you happy to sit inside and listen. You can hear the splatter and trickle and wind, almost to the point of feeling it. I have no urgent or pressing commitments, students are headed home, and life is still for a moment.
I returned a couple of hours ago from a retreat with the staff of The Village Church Denton. We spent 2 days in an amazingly beautiful cabin in the middle of nowhere. For a country girl like me, it was just far enough away from the city to make me feel at ease. No traffic, no merging lanes, no praying for patience in line at the store. Complete with a fireplace and giant leather couches, four-wheeler riding and great conversation. It was the kind of getaway people talk about, but never actually take.
My first semester on staff is finished, my first few months living in Texas have passed, my first interactions with new co-workers are complete, my first taste of life sans parents, assigned peer groups, and knowing exactly what comes next, has been given.
I live here. This isn’t a joke. This wasn’t a pseudo-vacation designed to make me appreciate more deeply the place I will return to. This is where the Lord has called me. And that fact has some heavy and wonderful implications.
If the Lord has called me here, that means I must immerse myself fully. I cannot hold back from people, hoping that one day they will initiate. There is not a group of friends I am going to return to later, making it optional if I really open up to those around me. I cannot ignore the health of my brothers and sisters here because I am not really the one who will be walking with them for the long-haul. I cannot disregard the things I don’t like about this place, because I won’t have to put up with them for more than some short season of time. (The traffic sucks. So, maybe I should learn some back roads! )
I am here, and here has some amazing things to offer. The rub is that in order to get them, I have to actually be here. I have to open up, and make friends, even when it is easier to talk to the ones I already had. I have to care, which is dangerous because I don’t know everyone well enough yet to know that it won’t end badly. I have to allow the Lord to dig around in my heart, and show me all of the things I am attached to, still holding on to. I hate the traffic. So, I have to learn the roads, because otherwise I will spend a life backed up on the interstate.
To do that, I will have to get lost, take wrong turns, and be really confused. I have to put myself out there, knowing others may not reciprocate. I have to attach to things that haven’t proven themselves reliable or trustworthy. I have to love sinners, whose sin I don’t know yet. I have to let them know mine, without being sure if they will love me when it is over. Ultimately, I have to actually be here.
I head back to Kentucky on Monday, back to the familiar for just a bit. But, I will return. I will trust that the Lord is exactly who He says He is. That He loves me, and came to give me life abundant. That His plan and calling on my life, as it is right now, is for my good. That of all the goodness He has shown me here in Denton, there is more. There is more of Him to be found in being here. There is a sweetness that will come from being willing to attach, even when I am unsure how it will turn out. There are backroads to be learned, and friendships to be gained, and glory to be given. He has brought me here, and of this I am certain. It is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be.
